


Painting || IIII || Sirius

by fictivefodder



Series: Painting [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drinking, Gender Neutral, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Third Year, Other, Painting, Slow Burn, gender neutral reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27380443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictivefodder/pseuds/fictivefodder
Summary: The first time you came to Hogwarts you were 18, freshly graduated from a different school, and about to start a 6 month long artist residency. Not only did you learn how to paint portraits that move, but you also became close friends with the marauders. You would have never guessed that 15 years later you’d return to Hogwarts, commissioned to paint each faculty member’s portrait, and be reunited with Remus Lupin as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.To subscribe for updates, see mood boards for the story, or to say hi to me follow me atmy tumblr!: )
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Reader, Remus Lupin & You, Remus Lupin/Reader, Remus Lupin/You
Series: Painting [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808620
Comments: 12
Kudos: 31





	Painting || IIII || Sirius

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to get this chapter out around Halloween and I am so happy I was able to! It's a little different than my last three, it focuses on a specific night! I am so surprised that people have been reading and enjoying this series- it makes me that much more excited to develop it. I hope that everyone who reads this had a good Halloween, and that you're safe and happy. Lately I've been non stop drinking this tea that tastes like blueberry pancakes with maple... its been heavenly. Grab a cup of something delicious and comforting and enjoy this new chapter! 
> 
> Trans women are women. Though many people love the world of Harry Potter, J K Rowling has been making problematic statements for a long time and I am glad to see people taking her most recent ignorance seriously, as the gross, transphobic, hate speech that it is.  
> There is so much beloved content that contains problematic, dangerous or inappropriate elements. Or, the author sucks. If we don’t learn to accept the good content while learning to acknowledge, highlight, and stand against the problematic content, we are throwing away most of the creative stories in our world. And that’s a shame, I’d rather we reclaim it and make it better. So even though this is Harry Potter fan fiction, I stand up for trans people and specifically trans women. Any trans folks and gender queer folks who are here, reading, as I ramble on- Hi. You are welcome here. Thanks for giving me your time. <3

The walls of your room were beginning to fill with portraits. Though some were still more of sketches than paintings, the progress you had made filled you with satisfaction. Seeing them shift from static drawings to moving paint was your favorite part of the process. Snape’s fingers had began to worry the edge of his sleeve and you could occasionally hear one of Remus’ trademark heavy sighs. 

It was already late October and you still hadn’t started some of the highest profile portraits. You knew that working under a year deadline was going to test your ability, but you couldn’t have imagined how much. You had tried to contrive a meeting with Dumbledore but he was so busy you felt foolish for asking for any of his time. Filtch was the last portrait you had started. It was funny to you that Mrs. Norris was already beginning to move while Filtch remained completely static. 

-X-

Conscious of how ridiculous it must have looked to, session after session, fight the setting sun, you hurriedly mixed paint and tried to ignore Remus’ amused smile. You were insistent about painting him at this time because, more than most Englishmen you knew, Remus was sun loving. Many memories from your residency included Remus finding the warmest patch of lawn to lay upon or the brightest window to sit beside.

“Are you excited for tonight?” Remus asked as he watched your hands. Giving in, you waved your wand at a few palette knives to mix paint for you, as you picked up a brush and turned back to the canvas. 

“Are you?” You asked over the swing music softly playing from the nearby gramophone. You peeked over the canvas to see Remus painfully squinting up at you. “You can’t scrunch your face that much or you’re going to ruin the painting! Try to relax!” 

“You do realize that you’ve been asking me to stare into the sun for the last two months?” Remus retorted. The light was becoming cooler as the season shifted to autumn. It meant that you had even less time in the day to get the right light. You were left trying to compensate by rushing. “Well?” Remus hummed, increasingly entertained. 

“Hmm?” You responded absentmindedly. His skin was so much more golden than Sirius, Peter or Lily’s. The warmth of Remus’ skin made his scars look even more pale and bright in certain light. Light like this-

“Tonight? Excited?”

“Tonight? Oh! Halloween!” You popped up from behind the canvas, smiling, “Yes! I heard that Hogwarts puts on quite the feast for the occasion!” 

“Oh that’s right! You didn’t get to see it during your residency. Yes, it is quite the feast. The ghosts put on a good show too, tend to be a little more animated.” 

You smiled at the idea, adding the final brushstrokes of paint for the evening. “You’re free to move and squint all you like.” You said, waving your wand over the palette knives, canvas, and easel to set everything neatly against the wall. Remus stood and stretched stiffly. 

“May I see it?” He quietly asked, head tilted. 

Heart fluttering, you nervously considered his question. No one had been given the chance to see their likenesses yet. You looked up into Remus’ wide, inquiring eyes and shrugged. “Who am I to say no?” 

As Remus moved to see his portrait you forced yourself to turn away. It was too much to watch Remus react to your work in real time. Fumbling with the record player, you took longer than you needed to turn it off and close the case. Your chest tightened with anxiety as Remus continued to stay silent. 

“You don’t approve?” You cringed, looking over your shoulder to peek at him. 

“Approve?” Remus cleared his throat, “I’m stunned… I-“ He shook his head, at a loss, “English will fail me in every attempt to describe how I feel about it.” 

The tension broke as you realized that he was being sarcastic. “Stop.” You snorted, rolling your eyes. Walking past Remus to put away your smock, you didn’t notice that you’re reaction caused Remus to frown. You began to roll up your sleeves before catching his upset expression. “What’s the matter?” 

Remus didn’t seem to realize that he had been pouting until you asked. With a tired smile he answered, “You.” He closed the distance between you and absent mindedly began to roll up your sleeve. “I shouldn’t blame you for dismissing me so quickly but you don’t realize how… unusual it is for me to see how I look to others like… like this. I wasn’t teasing, it truly is hard for me to find any words to describe the affect it has on me, other than that it is profound.”

“Still plenty of time for me to ruin it. But more importantly, there is a feast for us to get to.”

-X-

The Halloween feast could be smelled through the corridors that lead to the great hall. Carved pumpkins glowed and hovered over the dining tables as large platters appeared offering honey braised root vegetables, warm sugared almonds, and loafs of steaming bread. Hagrid and Remus sat on either side of you at the end of the faculty table, the three of you joyfully watching as students walked in slack jawed, amazed by the bounty. 

“How’re the two of ye?” Hagrid asked, reaching around you to give Remus a thick clap on the back. You heard Remus wheeze lightly under his breath. 

“Just finished another painting session.” You replied, smiling at Hagrid. “And how about you?” 

“Oh! Excited for the feast, to be sure, to be sure.” Hagrid reached into his pocket and pulled out two wine bottles, placing them on the table. He arched one bushy brow at you and Remus and winked. “Now listen,” Hagrid started, “I don’t often go sharing this but since you two are good friends I thought I might get these an’ share me mum’s recipe for Harvest Wine. It’s an old recipe… passed down from giant ter giant fer centuries.” 

You exchanged an incredulous glance with Remus and accepted one of the bottles. Hagrid handed the other over to Remus as you peered into the bottle and noticed a large root growing inside the dark glass. “What is it?” 

Hagrid tapped his nose, “Never you mind that.” He chuckled. With a squeaky pop of a cork, Remus pulled open his bottle with a flick of his wand. He lifted the neck of the bottle to his nose and took in a deep breath. You watched as Remus’s face darkened with curiosity. 

“Ah, Wurzel-“ Hagrid sighed fondly, realizing too late that he’d given away the name. “You didn’t hear that…” He murmured, glancing nervously to the rest of the Hogwarts Staff. 

Remus coughed dryly as he sniffed the bottle again. “Hagrid-“ he started, eyes watering. “How strong is this?” 

“Only thing that really gets me giddy!” Hagrid grinned proudly. You glanced nervously to Remus, who was grinning and pouring you both small glasses. 

“Oh boy…” You wheezed, raising the glass to Hagrid and Remus. “To your health, both of you.” You took a light sip of the translucent, purple liquid. The first sensation you noticed was just how sweet Wurzel was. You had expected the acrid scent to bare a tannic flavor, but it was light and sugary. There was a faint earthiness, as if some herbs had been used or it had been fermented in wooden cases. “Oh!” You exclaimed, smiling up at Hagrid, “This is so smooth! It’s so good!” 

“I wasn’t about ter give ya anythin’ worse!” Hagrid laughed, nodding to Remus to try it. Remus squinted at it skeptically. Hagrid placed his napkin on his lap and continued, “Its not like I’d brew you Erdewein or nothin’.” 

It didn’t take long for the Great Hall to become filled with chatter, the ghosts singing songs as the platters offered never ending amounts of food. Remus had hardly touched his glass of Wurzel, which you teased him about as it had hardly seemed to affect you. You were working on your second helping of pumpkin au gratin and your third modest glass of Wurzel when you saw Harry Potter take a seat with his friends at the Gryffindor table. You couldn’t help but glance at Remus, who was watching him with a soft smile. 

“Have you… told him anything?” You asked quietly, without thinking. 

Remus turned to look at you. You noticed his eyes focus on your cheeks and your ears, before he quietly replied. “No- it would only confuse things, I think. He’s done well despite it all. For now, I think the most appropriate thing for me to be is a decent teacher, if possible.” 

You were about to argue he was more than decent already when Snape approached from behind the table and placed three small vials of glass to the side of your plate. “Severus!” You exclaimed brightly, reaching over you squeezed his forearm lightly with one hand. “Happy Halloween!”

Severus drew away from you, fluidly resting both arms behind his back and pivoted slightly so he was only facing you, his robes brushing up against the side of Remus’ face. “I had read-“ Severus uttered lowly, “certain…. pigments are only achievable through the employment of spell and potion work. And these enhanced materials may even offer more depth insofar as how the imagery behaves.”

You picked up one of the vials, filled with a pink powder that glowed weakly. “You made these for the portraits?” You smiled up at Snape, impressed. “Thank you! That is so thoughtful.” 

“For the portraits-“ Snape echoed, stepping back to smile down at Remus as well, who returned the acknowledgement with his own, tight grin. Then, nodding and stepping back, Severus excused himself from the great hall. 

“Blimey-“ Hagrid remarked, watching Snape leave, “Never known Snape to bear gifts.” 

“No?” Remus responded dryly, eyeing the vials, “He’s never flung handmade goods at you?” 

Taking the last bite of pumpkin pie you could handle, you folded your napkin to rest on the table and scooted your chair back. “Well!” You sigh happily, “I couldn’t possibly eat another bite. I’m going to head up! Good night you two, stay out of trouble.” 

Pocketing the vials you stood up and immediately had to grab the back of your chair as your world tilted. You had been so certain the Wurzel hadn’t affected you too much, and blushed with embarrassment as you righted yourself.

“Well that means I didn’t brew a dud batch!” Hagrid chuckled. You gave both Hagrid and Remus hugs from behind, and then with great effort and care, managed to get to your rooms, where you climbed on top of your bed and immediately fell asleep. 

-X-

Moments ago there had been a loud sound. You could feel your mind fight to wake, but you were separated from your awareness by disorienting, slow thoughts. You couldn’t remember falling asleep. You slowly realized you were still fully dressed, your wand at your side, on top of your sheets. You were very, very thirsty. 

Had someone just called your name? 

Gentle fingertips pulled your shoulder, rolling you to lay on your back. Your brows came together in a confused frown, and you rubbed your eyes awake with your hands. You heard someone above you curse in relief under their breath. As you peeled your dry eyes open you saw Remus’s worried face staring down at you. 

“Remus-?” Your voice cracked. You sat up and noticed your bedroom door hanging crookedly, one hinge broken clean off. 

“You’re safe.” Remus sighs in relief as he falls to sit beside you. He pulls his arms around you, all but crushing you against him. You stay motionless against him, trying to gather any sense of what was happening. There was the scent of chocolate, the waxy smoke of a candle freshly blown out, and sweat- and you realized it was him. You closed your eyes, allowing yourself to lean against his chest as you woke up fully. 

“He was here-“ Remus spoke low, his voice shaking slightly. He repeated your name into the dark, as if it would rid him of anxiety, “Sirius. Tonight.” 

You jumped away from him, scrambling to stand up from your bed. “Harry!” You questioned frantically, turning to the door. Remus stood with you, his hand closing around your wrist with a careful firmness. “Is Harry alright?” You demanded, eyes wide. 

“He’s safe!” Remus hushed, both hands holding one of yours. “They all are- sleeping in the Great Hall, we searched the entire castle.” Remus guided you back to sitting on the mattress. Your ran your hands over your face and breathed slowly through your fingers, trying to calm your rapidly beating heart. Remus sat down beside you, his eyes falling to the sketchbook that rested on the bed. Picking up one of the loose sketches, Remus watched with surprise as his eighteen year old self skipped rocks across a lake with Lily and Sirius. He sat still, wordless for a spell before questioning, “You… you kept these?” 

You pulled your hands away from your face, turning to see Remus cradling your sketches in his hands, the graphite fluttering silently over the paper. 

You stared at his hands, shaking your head. This couldn’t be the moment that would break the silence over the past. Not now, not the same night Sirius Black had returned to Hogwarts castle. You felt hot tears rise as you grasped for words that would faithfully explain all your reasons. Remus’s thumb gently ran over Lily’s smiling face as she laughed at his throw. 

Closing your eyes and taking several deep breaths, you reminded yourself that you and Remus owed this conversation to each other. Despite everything that had been left unsaid, unexplained, and unexpressed, the two of you still valued each other. Even after 12 years of nothing, your friendship had rekindled. 

“I used to buy a new sketchbook at the beginning of every year,” You began, trying to keep your voice smooth and calm, “It would last me the whole year- a lot of the time I had a few extra pages I never got around to filling. But that year-“ You touched the sketchbook, pushing your fingers against its frayed binding, “That year I filled this entire book by June. And,” You reached under your bed to reveal another sketchbook without a date on its binding, “This is full of all the times after- few precious letters you managed to send when it was safe enough to… When you and Sirius would visit me by sticking your heads in the fireplace… some napkin sketches of Lily and James when they told me she was pregnant… 

“When I graduated I thought that getting a residency at Hogwarts would be a highlight of my young life, and I know that it sounds silly Remus, but when you included me with your friends, I felt loved! An-and interesting! I felt entitled to the time and attention of these 5 people who were so golden to me.” 

Remus continued to look down at the drawing, watching as he and his friends continued to enjoy a lapse of time without end. He nodded along to your words, listening but unable to meet your eyes. After considerable pause he softly replied, 

“You were loved and interesting.”

“I wished I could have kept us-“ You admitted, voice beginning to strain as you fought for control of your emotions. “I thought I could have this life where we would all be there.” You wiped your face roughly, frustrated with how impossible it all felt to acknowledge. Remus said nothing, but surprised you by leaning down to rest his head on your shoulder. A sense of calm went through you at his touch, the weight of his jaw against your arm. Another long spell of silence passed over the dark room. “Now we’re just these old sad people.” You laughed, voice cracking. 

You felt Remus chuckle against you, shaking his head softly. “You’re not old.” He cooed, pushing his cheekbone into your shoulder. “You’re 33. You have a lot of life ahead of you.” The air around you seemed to fizz dully in your ears before Remus’s voice cut through the silence once more. “May I have one of these?” 

Nodding, you pulled the sketchbook onto your lap, opening it to the first page. Your eyes strained in the dark as you and Remus flipped through page after page, quietly gazing at each memory. As you flipped the last page, Remus turned his head, his breath passing against your clavicle as you felt his lips come to rest lightly against the skin of your shoulder. 

Your chest swelled as you silently drew in and held your breath, skin erupting with goosebumps. Every muscle tensed as you held motionless, waiting for Remus to laugh and pull away in jest, but he didn’t.

“Can you manage it, Argus?” Dumbledore’s soft voice came from just past the door. You could hear Filtch grunt in response, and the small shimmering sound of a bell as Mrs. Norris sleuthed into your bedroom, eyeing you and Remus as the two of you jumped from the bed. 

With a wave of Remus’ hand, the torches and candles in your room all lit, illuminating the door just before Filtch appeared, dragging a large canvas into your chambers. Dumbledore came through just behind him, wearing a sleeping cap knit from glittery purple wool. The headmaster eyed you both from his half moon spectacles, as Filtch rested the Fat Lady’s canvas against your wall. 

“As I suspect Professor Lupin has just finished informing you,” Dumbledore began, “The Fat Lady’s portrait has been attacked.” You glanced at Filtch, who was squinting around your room as if expecting to find Sirius Black hiding under your bed. Dumbledore gestured to the large rip running down the middle of the canvas demonstratively. “I’ll have to beg your pardon for calling upon you so late, but I could not think of a better person to mend this.”

“Oh-“ You responded dully, your shoulder still tingling with heat. “V-very well, Si- Headmaster. I’ll have it restored as soon as possible.” 

“Now I’ll have to return to the great hall. I know that Professor Snape wanted to share some words with me.” Dumbledore gave Remus a lasting glance before asking Filtch to follow him out. Remus waved his wand at your door, repairing the hinge as you took several old sketches and held them out to Remus. 

“Can I ask you something?” You start, as Remus accepts the drawings from you. He nods in reply, “Well-” You fidget nervously, “Do you… do you really think that Sirius…?” 

Remus doesn’t react much to your question. “Why?” He asked neutrally, “Are you uncertain?” 

“I know that this isn’t a good reason,” You qualify, “It’s just that I’ve noticed something odd with my sketches. But I know- I know that this doesn’t prove anything-“ You grab your sketchbook from the mattress, pulling it open to a drawing you did of Sirius and Peter sleeping on a couch. “I made all of these sketches in front of you all… that is to say, they work the same way the paintings do. It is not only my magic, but the subject’s magic that causes them to move, react, act the way the real person would. If I was to make a drawing of the Fat Lady, my sketch would only act the way I perceive her, but when you draw another witch or wizard from life, the outcome of the art isn’t wholly controlled by the artist. In my sketches Sirius is… as he was, he is sweet. He’s playful, rambunctious, loving… nothing like what he is portrayed as now.” 

Remus frowned, pointing to sketches of Peter that littered the other side of the page. “But that doesn’t prove anything- look at Peter! He looks far more bitter in you drawings than he ever was.”

“Yes!” You exclaim, worriedly. “I didn’t draw him that way! I drew him like everyone else, but page after page of Peter- he looks so uncertain and unhappy. I don’t know why.” 

“You didn’t know Peter as well as the rest of us.” Remus suggested, pocketing the sketches you gave him. “Perhaps this has more to do with your unfamiliarity with him?”

“Perhaps but that wouldn’t explain Sirius looking so-“ You struggled to find the right word, “Genuine?” 

Remus looked into your eyes, sympathetic. It hit you then how late it must be as a wave of exhaustion swept over you. Looking up into Remus’ face your gaze traced over the grey coming into his hair, the thin white scar that ran over his lips. You felt bad then, for resurrecting Peter and Sirius more than the night already had. Surely, Remus would have enough troubling him tonight without your provocations. “I’m sorry-“ You sigh, hugging him, “I don’t want to know what hour it is…. Please go get some rest if you can. It’s important that we get sleep.” 

“Are you afraid of him?” Remus asked you, hugging you gently. 

“Yes-“ You answer, “Are you?” 

“Yes.” 

  
[ -X- ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj6V_a1-EUA)


End file.
